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The Wedding Planning Update - April 2001

19 days to BE (4/24/01)
Under the Guise of an Innocent Brunch
Last week, dear readers, you may recall I described the impending arrival of BE as a dream infused with the muse of Jim Morrison. However, the last 10 days BE has begun to crystallize into a more tangible form. The metaphor I am thinking of these days is more like a long train, with lots of momentum, heading toward the station too fast being controlled by an engineer with no arms and a broken brake. Ding, ding, ding, wooooooooo woooooooooooooo.

Today, A and I went to the courthouse in downtown Baltimore to procure our hitchin' documentation. While they offered us a fine civil ceremony right then and there, we declined thinking it best to wait for our multi-thousand dollar Belvedere shin dig. It is worth noting that as soon as the laser printer spat out our official license and the lady was off to get us change for our $50 bill (it is $35 to get a license in Baltimore City) Andrea said the words, "I feel like I did something wrong." While she quickly explained that she was referring to her misplacement of some document for our next appointment in traffic court, my conspiratorial mind thought otherwise. I wonder if our Chip-n-Dale friend in New Jersey is related somehow? Hmmmmm... Anyway, for your enjoyment, here is our marriage license:

So a lot has happened recently. Right after I finished the last update we received our second piece of no-foolin’, unsolicited unknown reader praise. That's right, Kelley from Nebraska chimed in with the following:

From: <anonymized to protect the innocent>
Date: Wed, 11 Apr 2001 23:12:02 EDT
Subject: Your site is hilarious!
MIME-Version: 1.0


I was just looking on the web for wedding etiquette stuff and I stumbled
across your site. Thanks for the giggles!

I am a bit confused, because your logistics page shows some 2000, rather than
2001 dates. . .so are you already living in wedded bliss or are you still
anticipating that? :)

Take care of each other.

Lincoln, Nebraska

All I can say is wow. It still makes my heart sing to think that I am entertaining just a few Midwesterners with my wedding rants. Go Midwesterners.

The last few days also saw the winner of the find a whole lot of Adam Weinsteins Contest. Our winner was none other than the infamous Robin Cohen, sister to one of my Merry Men. Using the power of the internet, she identified 120 A. Weinsteins. Her prize will be given to her in due course. Most likely it will be surprising, arrive at 3 am, and may cause pain. We'll see though. Honorable mention goes to my friend Paul, who identified a relatively PAULtry 7 Adam Weinsteins.

This past Friday, A & I found ourselves at the home of Rabbi Steve and his lovely family. Not only did we have an excellent time with him, his wife, and his very entertaining children, but he and I brainstormed about some time saving measures for the ceremony. For example, instead of offering the audience at our wedding an opportunity to object to our marriage we will be soliciting e-mails which will be read at the wedding.

Speaking of which, we are now accepting e-objections to our impending marriage. Here are the rules:
1. Come up with a reason why A and I should not marry.
2. Type it into the body of an e-mail.
3. Spell check it.
4. e-mail it to

In other news, my prayers to St. Vitus (of the St. Vitus Dance fame) seem to be paying off. After a little dance teacher swticharoo, from the intro at Arthur Murray to our new, private teacher John, our syncopated rhythmic jaunt to music is starting to shape up. As evidence for our progress I offer the following post-lesson e-mail from the aforementioned dance counselor:

From: "john" <eliminated to protect the innocent>
To: "Andrea & Adam Weinstein" <>
Subject: Hi there you two...from John Dawson
Date: Sun, 22 Apr 2001 17:12:31 -0400
Organization: studiodna
MIME-Version: 1.0
X-Priority: 3
X-MSMail-Priority: Normal
X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.50.4522.1200

Just wanted to say that you are doing really great.

PLEASE....keep practicing.

See ya Tuesday @ 5:00 PM Downtown.

Though I think I have a “SUV” body-type (as compared to A’s sleek Italian sports car body type) I seem to be able to shake my booty or something. And, as you can tell by John’s e-mail, he is so desperate for us to entertain him with our stompin’ about, he is literally begging for us to practice.

Besides our dance lesson yesterday, we also got the experience the deer-in-headlights fun of a surprise shower thrown by my Aunt Sandy at the Levin Grotto in Reisterstown. That’s right, A and I were lured under the guise of an innocent “brunch” but when we arrived (and found far too few parking spaces given the billing of the event as a cozy little get together) we were set upon by hoards of gift bearing well-wishers. After digging our way out of 6-story high pile of serving platters, cake plates, and other brick-a-brak (all topped by a vacuum cleaner) we were able to enjoy the company of 7,345 members of my family and their closest friends. Needless to say, it was a lovely event and we left with both warm fuzzies and some new stuff. And of course, the thank you not industry will be getting some hefty patronage in the next few days.

Over and Out.

33 days to BE (4/10/01)
A Strange Doors Scored Sequence of Fast-paced Slow Motion
With the sound and fury of stampeding Bison (Tonka), BE approaches. It is probably a good time for a recap of two important things:

•BE stands for blessed event. Way back in July or August I made BE and independent life form that eats money and time and poops irrational emotions. BE is quite large these days.

•The mission Statement for the web site is to allow Adam to say whatever he wants about BE.

On Monday night, we began our coordination lessons with our Arthur Murray dance therapist, Sharon. To quote Andrea, ”Maybe Sharon could wear a tux and dance in your place at the wedding.” See, my problem is that I feel like dancing undermines years of the womens' liberation movement. That is to say, I see our relationship as an equal partnership; we take turns leading when one of us has a specific skill or ability that a given situation calls for. However, dancing requires the “man” to lead all the time. Not only do I feel this is sexist, but A. is better at dancing. She should lead, since she has the more refined skill! Sharon didn't seem to think my amateur dissertation on subconscious culturally informed gender roles in dancing was worth discussing. In addition, every time I think about it, I fuck up our foxtrot. Left, right, side, side.

This last week also saw me take one giant step toward AARP membership with the celebration of my 26th birthday. I am now closer to age 50 than to my conception. Ouch.

An interesting little foray down the path of the little drummer who drums for the unique this week, A. & I sent out separate invites for the rehearsal dinner. It occurred to us as we waived good-bye to the mailman carrying our wedding invites that we did not mention a word about the whens, wheres, and what nots of the rehearsal dinner. As a result, I broke out the laser printer and got the Guttenberg action going again. The result: some damn fine invitations. Also of note was the paper we used; it had real lilacs in it. Thus, it was pointed out to me, I was able to contribute to the death of a least two species of plants with these invitations. Like they say, kill some birds with some stones.

Also this past week, it was brought to my attention that I neglected to mention or display artifacts from Andrea’s shower. As an excuse, I was post-call for the shower and really don't remember too much of that day anyway. However, it is never too late when you publish your own web site. Here goes:

This was the cake. Though the cake had real pieces of wicker baked in, it was quite tasty. I won't tell you where the cake is now. (Think icky-poo.)

Here is A’s women in waiting. Would you believe this is a candid shot? They are really waiting!

More waiting. I think they are really good at this…

Now the treat of the next few pictures is to watch Andrea’s Grandmother’s facial expressions:



Absolute Unrestrained Glee. T’was a good time for all.

So, like the opening sequence to Apocalypse Now, I feel like time is blurring by in a strange Doors-scored sequence of fast-paced slow motion. Before too long, I'm going to have to deal with bachelor parties, rehearsal dinners (which I learned is not spelled rehearsal), and some very brief bride/groom first dancing.

The wedding planning update is to Adam and Andrea's wedding what The National Enquirer is to news. While other sections of this site contain actual facts, this part is mostly opinion. Feel free to contact us if you find yourself on the cusp of action based on what you read here and are wondering what the hell I am talking about.

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