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The Wedding Planning Update - October 2000

194 days to BE (10/31/00)
Smiting My Computer
And it came to pass that in the tenth month Adam set up a computer to serve web pages about his wedding. And on the 18th day of the tenth month a mighty hand came down from the sky and did smote the computer that Adam hath set up. Thus, his wedding web site was silent for about forte night. However, on the 27th day Adam tooketh the finest goat from his heard and made a burnt offering and cried unto the sky, "Oh lord, why hath you forsaken my computer?" The lord looked down upon Adam, took pity on him and reinstalled Linux 6.0 so that the computer thence worked. Amen.

And now that things seem to be back in working order, I can get on with spouting my opinions about the wedding. In our last episode, you heard how A. and I did a quick morality spot check with one of the Woman in waiting. I am happy to report that over the past two weeks, I did similar spot checks on various members of my band of Merry Men. First, I checked in on Little Pete. I found that he lives in the suburban hell of Arlington, VA, his roomate is raising 1.67 trillion dollars for the Democrats, and that he lives within walking distance of the Newseum. Needless to say, he met my high moral and ethical standards. I studied the second Merry Man's house in great detail and found that Adam the Bearded (see bottom of the linked to page) had entirely too much yellow fluffy insulation in his attic. He will be receiving a Merry Man demerit and will promptly be put on probation. Kevin of Columbia met all of my qualifications for moral and ethical standards based on 1)his closet that has such a bright light it could double as a tanning booth and 2) his substantial holding of Dijionase. Friar Dave, the last of my Merry Men, was not spot checked, but he was alerted to be on watch for a visit at any time. Got to keep them on their toes.

So, I am off to Hagerstown, MD tomorrow for a two months of rural medicine. Priority number on: kill me a bar. We'll see. Stay tuned for updates from the exciting world of Western Maryland.

209 days to BE (10/16/00)
Morality Police
This past weekend saw the first in a series of "morality check-ups" on the various members of our wedding party. On Saturday A. and I drove up to Philadelphia to visit Andreaette Karen. A. and I deftly executed the old "visit the college friend with the stated purpose of being friendly while really checking out how they have changed and if they have any weird habits before they are in your wedding" trick. After a 2-day visit and thorough search of Karen's kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom cabinets I am pleased to report she neither posses items nor engages in any activities that A. and I deem morally reprehensible. While our list may not be terribly comprehensive, we are fairly rigid in our beliefs. For instance, if A. or I found any evidence that a member of our wedding party imports or takes part in the importing of baby seals solely for the purpose of clubbing them we would 1) Tell them to stop and 2) Kick them out of the Andreaettes. As I learned in college, you should stand up for what you believe in.

219 days to BE (10/6/00)
One (1) Silver Monkey in Lawn Jockey Outfit
Last evening we had another consumer counseling session Baila. This time we did a lap around the bottom floor of Creative Specialties. We registered for 232 chip and dip platters, 4,698 casserole dishes, and a set of 12 22" bowls (at $345/bowl) that one can serve appetizers, salad, soup, entree, dessert, and before, during and after dinner drinks in, all at once. Messy, but practical.

Things I was not permitted to add to our list included one (1) Mr. Winston porcelain bulldog in 18th century British hunting garb, one (1) 8" silver monkey in lawn-jockey outfit designed to hold candles in each hand, two (2) 25" weathered aluminum cranes (lawn ornaments?), one (1) 16" wooden pig in chef outfit holding a usable chalkboard (menu), one (1) 6" Waterford crystal camel (approx. $1,525), and one (1) 20" porcelain Statue of Liberty (approx. $1,620). If you are as taken by any of these fine items as I am, you may use your judgement in deviating from our bridal registry. (Just know you will have to deal with Andrea!)

222 days to BE (10/3/00)
Our Flitterwochen: In the Footsteps of Pablo Naruda
Being that I am off for the entire month of October (think: 4th year of medical school is good) I have taken upon myself the task of arranging our honeymoon, or as those who spoke what was English 500 years ago would say, our flitterwochen. So, the big question is where to go on a flitterwochen? Well, as A. and I are both graduates of a fine liberal arts college, we decided that the best theme for our flitterwochen would be "Dead Former Exiled Communist Chilean Poets." Naturally, Pablo Naruda, and hence the island of Capri, jump to mind. However, A. has done much of the research already. So I am left with the task of coming up with other places, or themes as the case may be. Here is a short list of my current thoughts"

1. The European Colonialism/Joseph Conrad Honeymoon.
2. The Fletcher Christian/HMS Boutny Honeymoon to Norfolk Island.
3. The 007 Secret Agent Acting Like a Wealthy Gigolo Honeymoon.
4. The Erik the Red/Viking Explorer Honeymoon.
5. The Cliché, Get Lei'ed Honeymoon.

I would love to hear any other theme ideas that are floating around...

It is also of interest, at least to me, that according to Ross-Simons A. is bride #11952425. Since this is so catchy, I've begun referring to her as 11952425, or 425 for short, around the house. As an added bonus, this opens the door to all sorts of easy naming schemes for our children. Let's say, for instance, that I change my name to 2673523 then, it would be obvious to name our first child 14625948.1 (11952425 + 2673523 + 0.1 and adding 0.1 for each subsequent child). Not only do we avoid the concern about coming up with the proper name that is both unique and pays respect to our dead relatives, but it is logical.

The wedding planning update is to Adam and Andrea's wedding what The National Enquirer is to news. While other sections of this site contain actual facts, this part is mostly opinion. Feel free to contact us if you find yourself on the cusp of action based on what you read here and are wondering what the hell I am talking about.

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